Sex with Teacher

Despite being in a stable and long term relationship, I cannot help but think about certain Teacher, that caught my minds eye.

I have been trying to explain to myself why is that, that I want him so badly? Why is that that I whenever I want myself to do something extra ordinary all I have to do is to think that there is a chance of him watching me?

I have been reading sever scientific and other opinions on it, and the closest to what I think is happening to me I think I found here

http://hugoschwyzer.net/category/student-crushes/

Yet I am afraid I have to go further, because while this text carefully examines how a professor should treat their relationship with a student, it doesn't examine the other possibilities for student's feelings as closely as I would have liked.

And it is not as though he is physically attractive. No not in a classical way. I am taller then him(Much) and he has got higher pitch of voice then I am used to, but I have never met a mind as agile as his. I feel like a snail in his presence and for me it is highly unusual feeling.

It's so deliciously wrong, but it gets me going every time. I want to monopolise him, I want to talk to him day and night, to drink him from top to bottom, all of his life, thoughts, knowledge, until he starts repeating his life stories for the third time.

It's not a state where he is my muse. Yes I started writting poetry again. I started a blog and then another, and yet every time I am around him I go tense.
More closer state of being is obsessed. I am obsessed with him. I read his papers, looked at the books he reviewed, tried looking for rewards, photos and others. Haven't found much. But once again my suspicions were confirmed that he is something better then a genious,

he is a normal person, who has himself, made his mind the way he wanted it to be.

It is hard to know I am never going to get the one thing I do admire and want out of this school. Yet I am happy simply for the fact that I met him. I cannot say he revived my faith in education, nor that he revived my faith in humanity.

Its just that he is intelligent, humourous, charming, brilliant, real, good, nice and naively optimistic person. It is so different to everything I am, and possibly ever be that I am drawn, incredibly drawn towards it.

Yet I dare not touch it. Because in someways he will always be sacred to me.